Radish'd
by TechnicolorGray
Summary: When Bulma botches a wish from the Dragonballs, she accidentally ends up in the body of Goku's big brother, Raditz. Turns out, it's easy to get into loads of trouble when in an unfortunate situation.


**Chapter 1 - Welcome to my Life**

Bulma finally felt as if it was okay for her to use a wish from the Dragonballs on herself. There wasn't too much drama going on at the moment; things were pretty peaceful. She wanted to do something nice for herself – she was already rich, already beautiful, of course; but she could always be more so.

She wasn't exactly sure yet what she was going to wish for, maybe a truckload of handsome, half-naked male servants? Vegeta probably wouldn't mind, knowing him.

She had taken Goku with her to summon Shen Long; he always seemed to like going on these types of adventures, and even though it wasn't that exciting, she thought it would at least help to get some of that energy out.

"Oy, what are you going to wish for Bulma?" Goku's fingers were laced behind his head as he and Bulma walked to the large, barren stretch of land that they had planned to summon the dragon on. He was excited; a wish from the Dragonballs was always a big event.

Bulma wagged a single finger. "You'll see, Goku! You're going to be jealous of my wish for sure!" She arranged the balls in a glittering golden line, the way she had done when they were kids. "Just watch this! Shen Long! Come out and grant my wish!" She extended her hands to the sky as if summoning the dragon with magical powers.

As the sky went dark and the dragon emerged from within his eternal resting place, Goku and Bulma were in awe, as they always were when the dragon was seen again after his year of sleep.

"What is your wish?" The voice was deep and loud, and although Shen Long was not the most powerful being in the universe, there was something about him that commanded respect; a respect that not many other beings could call forth.

Goku bounced up and down slightly, looking at Bulma with an expectant gaze. "What are you going to wish for? Oooooh, I know, wish for a lifetime of food!"

"I'm not wishing for that, you idiot, that's your wish!"

Goku's smile grew wider. "Ohhh, I know what you can wish for! Wish to be immortal, all the bad guys like to do that! It's popular so it must be a good wish, right?"

"UGH. What I wish is that I could always relate to you when you started talking like this, I just don't understand you at all!"

"Bulma, that's not a nice thing to say! You should try having fun more, you know!"

Just as Bulma was about to come up with another snappy retort, Shen Long's voice echoed across the desert terrain, drowning out the arguing of the two friends. "Like a brother? Or like a parent?"

Bulma frowned. What an odd thing to ask. "A parent?!" She stuck her tongue out. "I couldn't keep control of him, he's like a little brother to me!"

"Your wish is granted!"

Bulma stared and then waved her hands frantically, her eyes wide with realization. "No no no no no! Great and almighty Shen Long, that wasn't my wish! I take it back!"

Bulma suddenly became terribly dizzy. She dropped onto her hands and knees and tried to prevent herself from puking. I didn't even eat that much for breakfast. She gagged slightly; the realization that her body was changing didn't seem to compute.

Goku couldn't see what was happening to Bulma; where she had been standing was now a bright, glowing light. He shielded his eyes and attempted to peek in on what was going on, but it was just too brilliant. He looked away and rubbed the back of his head with one hand. "Ah! That was an odd wish, I don't understand it very much...I wonder if Shen Long understood it any better!"

When Bulma finally opened her eyes, it took some time to realize that she had been unconscious for a few minutes. The beginnings of a dull headache had cropped up behind her temples, and she still felt very lightheaded. After a few minutes, she managed to make it to her feet; although she found herself staggering more than usual. "Goku? G-Goku?" She peered around in the cloud of dust that had puffed up around her.

Suddenly, she stopped, clapping one hand over her mouth. Is that my voice? That can't be my voice-! It was a man's voice; a voice she didn't recognize, but that she had heard before. She looked down at her body. Her dress was tight – so tight. It barely clung to her stocky, muscular form; and it was already tearing in places. Oh Kami, oh no, what's happened to me? My body -"

She placed her hands on her chest. Flat. Completely flat. She screamed, that strange voice a strangled cry from between her lips. "Ahhh! G-Goku? Goku, can you take a look at me and tell me who the hell I am?!"

The dust began to settled around the form of someone whom Goku recognized from a long time ago – a long time ago, back when his elder son was still a young child and from when threats to the Earth were much, much fewer. He gasped, and then his face hardened. "What are you doing here?"

Bulma's eyes went huge. "W-what?! Who? What is who doing here?!" She backed up a few paces as Goku advanced.

"I may look stupid, but I ain't that dumb! Do I have to take care of you again, Raditz?"

Raditz, Raditz, who the hell was Raditz? Bulma stood there, her mind farting away. Ah! That was it! The name of Goku's brother from another planet! "Ahhh! I'm him?! No, gross! That's not right, I'm supposed to be a beautiful woman! Why him, I didn't wish for that!"

Goku was still advancing, and it was another second or two before Bulma realized he was intending to fight her. "S...shit..." She began to back up. "G-Goku, I know how it may look, but I'm not your brother! I'm Bulma! The...the dragon, he did this...I don't know why, y-you wouldn't hit a girl, would you?"

"If she was a fighter I would." Bulma let out a small squeak, realizing that Goku wasn't believing her, turned on her heel, and began to run. "S-shit!" She screamed again, eyes bulging. "Don't come any closer, Goku, or I'll never make you any food again!" She didn't know what she should be freaking out more about – the fact that she was now in the body of someone else, or that Goku was about to kill her. After some thought, she decided that not dying was her first priority.

Bulma didn't even see the cliff. Before she knew it, she was running in midair. She let out a shrill scream and began to plummet - the drop was huge; she could see rocks and debris at the bottom. "G-Goku!" She flailed about helplessly. "Hellllllllppppp meeee!"

Goku stared off the side of the cliff curiously. "Raditz, why ain't you flying? Hey, that's going to hurt a lot if you don't catch yourself."

Bulma screamed louder.

It took a second or two, but Goku finally realized that maybe something was wrong after all. He jumped down next to the falling Saiyan and glared. "I'll help you, but you gotta promise you ain't lying to me!"

"I promise I promise!" Bulma clasped her hands together desperately; tears furiously streaming out of her eyes as panic overtook her.

Goku reached out and wrapped his fingers around his brother's...Bulma's...tail. "Oooh, you're heavy!" He dangled the long-haired Saiyan just a few feet above the rocks at the bottom of the cliff. "Oy, Raditz! I mean, Bulma, right-?"

"I...can't...move." Bulma hung helplessly in midair, her arms and legs felt like jelly. An acute pain stabbed through her backside. "I don't think it was a good idea catching me that way, you lame brain! Shouldn't you know this kind of thing?!"

"What's wrong, huh?" Goku tilted his head to one side curiously and tapped his friend with one foot.

Bulma muttered between gritted teeth. "You have to let go."

Goku stared for a few seconds, and then looked at his hand, in which he still held Bulma's tail. "Ohhhhhh! Now you know how I felt, huh?" He opened his hand and Bulma landed amongst the rocks below. She groaned slightly. "Goku you idiot, you have to let me down gently!"

"Sorry." He lowered himself to the ground, extending a hand to Bulma to help her up. "Hey, I think Vegeta's going to be surprised to see you." He gave her a small smile. "You don't look the same, Bulma - ah, I know, maybe he'll be happy since you look like his old friend, right?"

It was at this time that the panic really began to set in. "Oh, Kami, Vegeta! What will Vegeta think!" She shook her head and pressed both hands against her cheeks. "I have to return to normal before Vegeta sees me like this!"

"But Bulma, you can't use the Dragonballs for another year, how do you think you will get your body back?"

Bulma stomped a foot. "That Shen Long! Is he getting cheekier lately or is it just me? Why would I wish for something like this ? it doesn't make any sense!"

"Hmm, you wished to relate more to me! And then you said 'who are you kidding, Shen Long, Goku's like a little brother to me!" He began to rock back and forth on his heels. "So, I guess Shen Long thought you wanted to be my brother, right!"

"WHY WOULD HE THINK THAT?!" Bulma fumed, hands balled into fists. She pointed at Goku accusingly. "YOU made me wish for this, you're horrible! If you hadn't been acting out I wouldn't have said that stuff!"

"Me?" Goku looked genuinely surprised. "Bulma, that's not fair!"

Bulma seemed to deflate visibly. She sunk to a squatting position and put her face in her hands. "Vegeta's going to leave me for sure - at least I'll have the kids, but what will Bra think? She won't recognize me at all! At least I can explain it to Trunks!"

Goku patted her on the head. "Vegeta won't leave you, Bulma! Whenever he says he can't stand me, he just sticks around more! Anyway you don't look bad, just different!"

"Goku, in case you haven't noticed, I'm a man!"

Goku paused for a moment. Then, he stood straight up, and with a wide, beaming smile, he said, "I guess that means you've finally found those balls you lost, eh Bulma?"

Goku couldn't remember the last time he had been slapped so hard.

Bulma demanded that Goku accompany her to the house, mainly because she was more than a little afraid that her husband and son would try to kill her on sight. When she got to the entrance of her home, she slammed her hand down onto the fingerprint reader that she used to unlock the doors of her household.

"Scanning." The robotic voice paused for a few seconds. "Access Denied." "WHAT?" Bulma tapped the reader with her hand. "Is this thing broken?" She put her hand down again, realizing only after she had done it what she was doing. "Oh, wait, no, I didn't mean to do that - !" The built in security system, oh Kami! "Alert, foreign DNA detected! Identity: Saiyan. Threat level: High. Initiating alarms." Goku and Bulma put their hands over their ears as the alarms began to blare at full blast; it was an unbearable, high-pitched, buzzing wail that everyone within miles would be able to hear, and that would be more than able to alert everyone in the house. "Shit, SHIT!" Bulma slammed her fist against the machine repeatedly. "Tampering detected. Initiating security measures." "D-Dammit!" Bulma grabbed Goku's arm and ran as a hail of bullets rained down around them. "Wow, Bulma, you sure are careful around here! Maybe the robot thinks you're a bad guy!" Goku mentioned this offhandedly after the hail of bullets had stopped.

"Oh you think so, do you!" Bulma pulled the edges of her dress down. It really was getting unbearably tight, she knew it wouldn't be long until it completely ripped. It didn't help one bit that the damn tail was wedged between her ass cheeks. "Well now it's in lock down mode; someone has to unlock it from the inside."

It was a few minutes before Vegeta finally came out – God knows what he had been doing, but he looked phenomenally annoyed by the sound of the alarms. "Kakarot, what did you do?" He demanded of Goku, who put his hands up in the air innocently.

"Who's..." He paused, taking a few seconds to process who it was that was standing behind Goku. He was taller than Goku, with long, black, spiky hair and a thick, stocky build. His hands were on Goku's shoulders, and he looked absolutely terrified.

"Raditz?!" Vegeta stood up, his face darkening. "I thought you were dead, what are you..." He paused, noting the dress Raditz was wearing in a dry, humorless, unamused way that only Vegeta could muster. "What...are you wearing...?"

Goku smiled, trying to coax Bulma out from behind his back. "He's not going to hurt you! Look, Vegeta, this ain't Raditz!" He patted Bulma on the back and she staggered forward a few paces, that look of terror still written all over her face. "This is Bulma! I'm not lying, she made a wish with the Dragonballs and now she's my brother!" He leaned forward to whisper to Vegeta. "Between you and me, I think it was an accident."

"What." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Bulma, tell him something you would know! Oh, I know, tell him what you had for breakfast this morning!"

"Well, he ate nearly everything in the fridge – half a dozen eggs; that's all we had left, a quart of milk – wish he was lactose intolerant, he also ate Trunks' breakfast because Trunks woke up late and Vegeta thought it was his. Then, he ate breakfast on top of that breakfast! Really, who eats that much breakfast?!"

Vegeta's mouth hung open. This couldn't be, couldn't be right. What kind of wish was this? Why Raditz? But the way Raditz was talking, the speech patterns, the way he held himself, the knowledge; all of it was unmistakably Bulma. "I need some time to think about this." He shook his head, and then took off without another word. This was...odd. He didn't even know if he believed it, just that he needed time to even process such a claim.

Bulma's legs collapsed from under her. "Goku, hold me!" She was so relieved that Vegeta hadn't killed her that the complications of their relationship hadn't yet manifested in her mind.

Goku shrugged. "Okee dokee." He embraced Bulma, who immediately punched him in the face. "I DIDN'T MEAN IT YOU TWERP!"

It was going to be a long year, that was for sure.


End file.
